Ka-Ching. A peek in to the World without Money. But, no, thank you, I want to have plenty!

On Friday, I took O to the library. Her first visit to a library (barring a car hop in Chennai years ago), and she was quite excited.
Since it was a weekend, the Education City campus where Georgetown University is, was rather quiet. There were a few students lazing around in the library.
She knew she couldn't talk loudly, run around or get chatty with the folks there. She carried her own book to read, since there are no children's books available there.
The problem with O is that her whispers are quite loud. And so I told her unless it’s an emergency she can’t talk at all.
She sat with her Black Beauty till I browsed two rows. By the time I got to the third she was by my side, begging to be allowed to walk around with me. She was touching the books and soaking it all in, and I was feeling rather kicked that she was as enamoured by the rows of books at a university library, as she was by the Barbie nonsense in Toys ‘r’ Us.
I could see that obsession in her eyes that only a fellow book lover can empathise with.
She even managed to identify books she has seen me read. And then she decided to browse the magazines, happy to identify Obama and McCain on covers of magazines, and then totally tickled to find my magazines there too… pointing it out and patting me on the rump.
I was swelling up and was ready to burst – “not bad Umm, you haven’t done so badly as a mother”, I told myself; but (un)fortunately she managed to totally deflate me in the next 15 minutes.
Oh, it’s a long road ahead before I can even begin to congratulate myself.
When I sat down to read the magazine, wondering which other world leaders she would identify, she flipped through people magazine, quickly identifying every second or third picture of a celebrity. There is Miley, here is Grey (Ellen Pompei), here is Sex & the City lady (Sarah Jessica Parker, and oh please let this end), oh and Rachel (of Friends)… I quickly shut the magazine and shushed her… This is way too much Hollywood for a 7-year-old.
I diverted her attention and got her interested in the students on campus, and the opportunities a good education provides. For about 5 minutes.
Finally, I went up to the librarian to check out my books and O couldn’t digest that I was not really paying for the books –
“Even if you are just borrowing, you should pay them money, amma”
Yes, but they don’t take money.
“Oh, then they will really be poor.”
No. They have the money. This is a service that they provide. Something nice they do for the people.
“Even if you don’t give them money?”
Yes.

That’s when it really sunk in that she hasn’t see anything non-monetary yet. There is always a purchase, talk of money, about affording or not affording. She couldn’t believe that you can get something or do something that isn’t based on monetary gratifications.
The only life she is used to is of absolute materialism. As are most of us.
Then so many past conversations came back to haunt me on the drive back home.

Often, when I tell her something is expensive and wasteful, so I will not buy it, she would ask if we were poor! She has asked me so often if we get ‘richer’ will we have a convertible or 4X4? If we were richer, would we live in a big bungalow with a garden?

And here I was thinking that we were quite comfortably off. That our fair sized apartment had everything we needed, we had enough wheels to meet all our requirements… and yet in her mind, this was not ‘rich’.
We have spoken to her about it at length. That some people do have more than others. But what we have is far more than most. That we never want for anything. Obviously the message hasn’t really sunk in.

Only a day before the trip to the library she asked me what was more important, family or money. I have no idea where the question popped up from. “Family,” I said.
“For everyone?”
No for me. Each person has to decide on what is important to them.
“So I can say what I want”
Yes (and with butterflies in my stomach await her answer)
“I think it’s Money and Family for me.” (And she was watching my face for the slightest expression of disapproval and waiting for my response.)
That’s fine if that’s what you think.
“Because we won’t have anything without money.”
Yes. But if you don’t have people around you?
“Yes, that’s why both are important.”
Ok.

I did not want to continue this thread of conversation, because I knew I was on the verge of delivering a long right-wrong lecture. But I think she knew already that I didn’t quite agree with her.

It’s scary. What you are, what you are not; what you say, what you don’t say; what she sees, what she never gets to witness; what you protect her from, what she is exposed to… everything has an impact on her. What influence do parents really have at the end of the day?

What do you feel about the financial crisis?

This is a real comprehensive and clear picture of the financial crisis for those interested to know more or understand the issue.

Two bloggers I follow – Mad Momma & MumbaiGirl have commented about the crisis.
And I am kind of guilty of what they say. When the first news of the crash started coming in, and reports of all the super rich, over paid executives losing their jobs started flooding the media, I felt gleeful – petty, but gleeful all the same!

It just seemed so unfair that failed CEOs were walking away with multi-million dollar severance packages. Where is the justice in this? I understand that lay-offs affect a larger portion of the employees, many of whom have not yet bought their Ferraris and homes by the beach. It also affects those who are hoping to put their children through a good college education, to ensure a sound financial future for themselves… normal people like me and those I move around with.

Still…

Both being journalists (R & I), with a ringside view of the rich getting richer, our opinions are often one part socialism, one part pure envy and one part facts.

Of course, now with our investments (meagre to begin with) standing at half its original value, we feel the pinch too. We just wish those overpaid CEOs and honchos alone were hit, leaving the everyday investor unaffected.
In a perfect world, that would be the case.

In a perfect world, all of us would be rich, a size 10, enjoying multiple-orgasms, retired at 40 and totally free of envy. But this is not a perfect world. It’s a world full of Thackerays, Palins, Bin Ladens & Ashok Singhals.

It’s a world full of inequalities, and sometimes that means when someone falls, someone else will gloat. Because objectivity is not a natural human impulse. It’s a studied and developed attitude.

breadwinner? buttered, dry or plain stale?

I was reading this very interesting post.
Something that I have thought of and discussed so often.
Why is it important that in a relationship, the man be the breadwinner? The woman takes care of eggs for the weekend...
The man buys the house, the woman buys the blinds?
My father was the 'sole breadwinner', my mum the bread maker.
It worked quite well for them.

But for their legacy of 4 daughters, being taken care of or not being a substantial income earner just doesn’t cut it.
The idea of not working, or looking for a man who would 'take care' of home and hearth never crossed our minds.
At this point, each of us could independently be responsible for running our home. It is fortunate that we are not.

Coming from this sorority of rather fierce financial independence, I am probably the least independent of us 4. In the first three years of marriage, I did not even have a bank account, I would actually give my salary cheque to my husband (and totally hog his debit card). I am a nagger by nature, so regardless of whether I am earning or not (a 2-year maternity break), I would nag about money.

How much I earn is all about the value my work gets... there is no personal ego here.

And if I am doing an honest day’s work at office, I find no need to go overboard being a homemaker too. For that I employ help.

Yet, I know so many highly successful women, who are so damn apologetic earning well or more than their husbands. I know husbands who make their wives accountable for every last penny they spend. Earning is her duty, saving and spending is his right. Most of the saving/investment is not even a joint decision.

These women, some at the very top of their professions, try desperately to convince everyone around them that they are perfectly capable of catering to the needs of husband and child. Fresh food, laundry, school activities. What’s wrong with hiring help, take away and dry cleaners?

Haven’t they heard the latest? Our much praised ‘multi-tasking ability’ is a joke the men are playing on us, to get us to do more.

And I know women, who are so proud of the fact that their income makes no difference to the family. My point is -- if you are working, your skill and time need to be remunerated without gender-bias. You earning a lot less than your husband, or your husband earning 10 times what you do, is not a moral victory.

Here in the Gulf, where a bulk of the income is sent back home to take care of family, 9 out of 10 times, it is to take care of the guy's family.
Of course R and I are totally reasonable about this -- neither of our families benefit from our income; to the contrary, we tap on their resources for small change :)

money

those who are supremely unaffected by money, are supremely endowed.

workplace woes

i keep asking myself why what i earn doesn't determine how or who i am at work.
i have an ego, attitude and contentment totally disproportionate to what i earn...
because i am all about vibes, no amount of money will keep me in a place that gives my soul stress.
my first job in Qatar was at a place where the vibes were not so great... but i worked hours that didn't coincide with the mirth-less ones. i had access to the internet, so could chat away the whole morning. the money wasn't great, neither was the work... in terms of quantity. but i did learn new tricks of the trade.
but no sooner did the atmosphere change, and the general state of unhappiness started interfering with my aura... i scooted.
i can't explain this any better, by myself.
i can take the help of one Ms Rowling though.
the place was like Azkaban. The keepers were the dementors. As soon as they smell a whiff of joie de vivre or sense a smile, they come down hard and give you a kiss... their very presence sucks the joy out of the place.
they thrived on seeing people unhappy... and frankly, if i think too long about that place, i can almost hear the strangled cry of my happiness.
i am away from that atmosphere, thank goodness!
unfortunately, there are people i care for who are still there...
where i am now is like Hogwarts, till Book 5. There is no room for dementors...
that may change; but then, when it does, i won't be around to suffer it. Inshallah!

living the good life, without the goods

just about sums up our life here. the common impression of the gulf indian is that they are rich because they live a poor life. but we are the healthy anti thesis. we are poor because we live the rich life.

spa treatments, gourmet dinners, boutique shopping...by we i mean me, mine and our friends who sport similar feathers. we flock together for a reason! we really do live the good life, and are broke by the first week of the month; fortunately there is no wet blanket in the guise of common sense telling us 'be smart, you are here to save, not to have fun (and probably end up in debt)'.

our dinner table conversation every weekend is about the amount of money people around us have... especially that man who just passed by, staring disbelievingly at us, the bunch of indians, sitting in a restaurant that easily costs $50 a head for a light meal. he is driving his landcruiser prado (the dream machine of every gulf indian), wearing his peter england shirt and bata shoes bought during his last trip home.

we are also talking about ms money bags who looked shocked that we were walking out of whistles with shopping bags. you know she has money in her bags because 10 kilos of gold weigh her down; really worn chappals prop her up; fragged bra strap slip off her shoulder and peep out under the transparent sleeve of the jazzy kameez bought at Lulu Hypermarket. and she is wondering where our husbands work (and how out of control the men were) to let us shop at whistles, and wear shoes from Nine West or Milano... snooty indians, they are too good for lulu and parthas, or what?and 'snooty indians' look at her with equal disdain... enough gold on her to write off the debt of an impoverished african country, but still does a mental conversion while spending money on 'chappals'. as we grudge her all the ready cash (definitely not the prehistoric bra), she grudges us the tons of money she assumes we have...

in my assessment there is a very fine line that separates the two types... we both place way too much emphasis on money: one by hoarding, another by burning it.

ps1: appraisals around the corner, and i am not really so bothered by the hike; because i know for sure, for me, earning more is not equal to having more. it only means spending more.

ps2: just as i complete ps1, i hear oprah on tv, say this: "nobody is living the life you think they are, behind closed doors." righto lady!

Charity, thy name is Selfishness

there is nothing more selfish than being charitable. because the kick you get out of being so, is often far greater than the effect of your intent.
we are not talking about buffet and gates or writing off the african debt.
we are talking about indulging a beggar, feeding the poor etc...
i am a great believer in this selfishness... in fact i am so used to giving away part of any extras, that if i don't i believe ill luck will befall me.
so it's no longer about the extra cash could be put to better use... but the freebee i got needs to be distributed before i get 'too lucky'.
and of course the feeling of being in the company of pals like warren, bill and oprah is ever so gratifying.
and so, ever so regularly i donate... i give to charity. money i can ill afford to give away. you just have to peek into my credit card bills and mortgages to know the truth.
but if some unexpected money comes my way, i am so superstitious that it will bring me bad luck if i don't share it, i look for a recipient right away.
when i am walking out of the supermarket with a trolley full of useless stuff, i assuage that nagging feeling by buying a ticket off the red crescent guy.
this could be linked to my susceptibility to guilt... in my worst moment, i have even blamed myself for hillary clinton's horrible dress sense (are my vibes affecting her taste?)
all this i understand and have come to accept.
here is something that i don't understand. how some (many?) people are so oblivious and immune to 'charity from guilt'... they would sooner fold away the rotting 1 riyal note, than to put it in the box for physically disabled, or children of war in afghanistan.
i admire them -- their ability to be so comfortable with themselves, that they don't resort to charity to make themselves feel good.
that putting away every last coin and note into the wallet is what gives them a good night's sleep; that the effects of the ills that plague the world, never touch their psyche or bank balance.
it's a long way to that state of mind, and meanwhile, i would be borrowing from my credit card to keep up with the jolies of the world.

the gate crasher

money and wealth, they don't believe in invitations. They are gate crashers.
You beseech them with invites and they are likely to turn their back on you. Money and Wealth they are real snooty folks. You ignore them and they will party crash, and insist on following you around.
Money and Wealth, don't like to be forced into anything. The more you chase them, the faster they will run, away from you.
Walk away from them, and they may decided to walk with you and keep pace with you.
Money and Wealth -- funny folks. So popular, so loved and yet so scared.

money, money

Any one who says they are in the Gulf for the adventure are lying. simple. Big fat liar!
But you may in the course of your greed learn to love the place.
So I should not feel bad about going in for AdSense. Still I THINK. should I commercialise what is meant to be a pure bitching mission. should one's vitriolic thoughts be commercialised. Should one's grouse around the whole world be a tool to make money?
The answer is a clear yes. So AdSense it shall be... very soon.