Charity, thy name is Selfishness

there is nothing more selfish than being charitable. because the kick you get out of being so, is often far greater than the effect of your intent.
we are not talking about buffet and gates or writing off the african debt.
we are talking about indulging a beggar, feeding the poor etc...
i am a great believer in this selfishness... in fact i am so used to giving away part of any extras, that if i don't i believe ill luck will befall me.
so it's no longer about the extra cash could be put to better use... but the freebee i got needs to be distributed before i get 'too lucky'.
and of course the feeling of being in the company of pals like warren, bill and oprah is ever so gratifying.
and so, ever so regularly i donate... i give to charity. money i can ill afford to give away. you just have to peek into my credit card bills and mortgages to know the truth.
but if some unexpected money comes my way, i am so superstitious that it will bring me bad luck if i don't share it, i look for a recipient right away.
when i am walking out of the supermarket with a trolley full of useless stuff, i assuage that nagging feeling by buying a ticket off the red crescent guy.
this could be linked to my susceptibility to guilt... in my worst moment, i have even blamed myself for hillary clinton's horrible dress sense (are my vibes affecting her taste?)
all this i understand and have come to accept.
here is something that i don't understand. how some (many?) people are so oblivious and immune to 'charity from guilt'... they would sooner fold away the rotting 1 riyal note, than to put it in the box for physically disabled, or children of war in afghanistan.
i admire them -- their ability to be so comfortable with themselves, that they don't resort to charity to make themselves feel good.
that putting away every last coin and note into the wallet is what gives them a good night's sleep; that the effects of the ills that plague the world, never touch their psyche or bank balance.
it's a long way to that state of mind, and meanwhile, i would be borrowing from my credit card to keep up with the jolies of the world.