jealous? me? really? YES!

there is nothing wrong in having a jealous trait -- or even a cupboard full of it.
because Anne Lamott thinks the way I do... not because she is a little mental, but because she is a published writer, and except for ann coulter, all published writers only say the right things.
even if they are published only in magazines in remote neanderthal countries. the thing is i never quite accepted that it was jealousy that drove the deep anger and need to trip some people so hard, they would need dental assistance for the rest of their life.
the one who can't write to save her life, but gets the breaks; the one who can't string a sentence correctly, but gets the cushy pr job; the real dumb ass from school who married this super rich, super cool dude; that darned woman who loses weight on a diet of chocolates and samosas... how unfair is this world?
i just couldn't bring myself to accept that i was jealous of people who were either mediocre in what they did or gained bunny points with minimum effort.
after all i am hardly ever envious of those who are good at what they do. i may have an occasional (or two) murderous impulse... but jealousy? no!
i can live with J K R's riches, Oprah's fame, Mandela's popularity. What the heck! I can even put up with Aishwarya's looks.
it's those who don't have the goods to back up the claim that piss me off.
the realisation that what i considered disdain, actually bordered on jealousy, i owe to Lamott's book Bird by Bird.
does that realisation make me a better or worse person?
don't know, don't care.
it's human to be emotional. jealousy and hatred as emotions are to be expected and accepted just as much as love, and all that jazz.