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Sunday, April 20, 2008

thoughts are as damaging

why can't it be ok to think the worst thoughts, if we don't put any of it into action?
why are even thoughts guilt-magnets.
every time i think ill of someone, or even think way too highly of myself or mine, i get a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach... what am i inviting with this thought?
an american friend of mine, after a bad break-up, flew straight to India for some nirvana. She came back glowing -- the hours of yoga and just joy of not working, obviously. But she told me it was something more. That in India she learnt that it's not enough to be correct in your actions; your thoughts matter too.
I joked: which part of India imparted that wisdom to you, that i've never had access to...
then i realised... that being political correct was not really part of our collective psyche. that's something we have acquired over time.
we act as we think. we pee and spit where we want, we complain about racism when we treat dark skinned people with absolute disdain, we have no qualms in making public our preference for rich gods... if it's in our mind, it's in our action. why should we pretend otherwise.
but the good side of this is that when we do realise we are not being so nice, we don't just change the way we behave, we also try to change the way we think... or so i believe.
which brings back to my immediate worry: why the hell can't i bitch and be mean and nasty in my thoughts, without looking so bloody guilty the next time i meet the person.

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