what shapes our child

i understand now, and see it in action with my daughter, that a parent's direct approval or disapproval doesn't really count or influence the child.
it is the subtler influences that matter.
it is not only about who your child plays and socialises with... but your approval or disapproval of the friend.
i am not sure if i am clear in what i say.
but i've realised that over the years, what i am or do is a reflection of people my mother or father approved of or respected.
things could have gone real bad, and i may have just decided to do the opposite. and that's where i guess parents' real challenge lies. to ensure that teen rebellion doesn't become a personality trait. that how much ever a child may defy his/her parents, there is the acknowledgement that there is truth to what and tenderness in how, they communicate.